Sorry it's been a few days, peeps. Got caught up in the craziness of professional and social life. Today I will list and analyze things that people do that drive me up the wall. Bonkers. Make me want to grit my teeth and throw a temper tantrum like a baby. (I still do that sometimes).
1) People who talk to you in the bathroom. This is NOT okay. Hello, I'm doing my bizness uin here, I dont need to be chatting about the weather, or my shoes, or whatever. I don't really want to breathe more than I have to while I'm on the porcelain throne, so leave me in peace, please. Next time someone starts to speak to me through the stall, I'm going to say "hold on, courtesy flush for your sake!" and see if that doesn't shut them up.
2) People who have B.O. Now, I know I can't judge them very much because my mom called me "B.O. Plenty" in high school. Since my other nicknames were "Anus" and "Beast"--I really didn't complain too much. Why couldn't I just be Ash, or something that wasn't degrading? How do you think I felt when I was walking down the halls of Junior High with people trailing after me and calling me "Anus" or "Anie"???? I cringe, more so than when my fake boob insert fell out in class.
3) Annoying salespeople at clothing stores. This is just horrific. Ever had someone follow you around and repeatedly ask if you need help? I said no the first time, that's not going to change. I said no again, so don't show me an ugly sweater. Finally, you ask me again your asking for a shiner or a swift kick in the ass.
4) Slow people, in any way shape or form. There is NOTHING worse than walking behind someone in a narrow hall and they are just be-boppin around at a negative mile per hour pace. You can't scoot around them, and no amount of huffing and puffing makes them even care to hustle. Slow drivers--I hate you, I wish I could turn my windshield wiper fluid so it would spray in front and on your back windshield, I want you to suffer in the bathroom next to someone who talks on their cell phone or worse, to you while you are doing your bizness.
5) People who chew with their mouths open. I don't want to see your shrimp and grits, tube steak (also known as a hot dog, but I hate hot dogs, don't even get me started on Cheesy Jumbo weeners) or even your McDonald's Big Mac all chewed up and swimming around in your gullet. My grandfather (love him to death) thinks that it is a fabulous idea to TALK with his mouth full of food, and I almost vom every time. Most of the time it's just baby barfs, though (can we bring back that term?)
6) Talking on the phone. If you are my friend, or know me at all, you know I hate talking on the phone. I mean, it's terrible. Email me, text me, skype me or write a message in the sky. I don't. want. to. talk. on. the. phone. And don't leave me a long voicemail, I won't listen to it unless you are drunk and it's funny.
7) Finally, the best for last. The words "nest" and "seed." Dont say them in my presence, please. Maybe you can call them watermelon "teardrops" or flower "babies." Not seeds, please. I dont even like typing that word out. Nest is just nasty.
Faithfully always annoyed with human habits,
Your new blogger
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